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  “No,” Marcus says shakily. “It’s not…I mean, I can’t do all that relationship crap, and you’re demi, so…”

  Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Yeah, so? I need the emotional shit, sure, but I don’t need a fucking marriage proposal. I like you. We’re friends. Why can’t we be friends who bone?”

  Marcus struggles to voice one of the fifty reasons why this is a bad idea, but he’s tired, so tired of always wanting, never just accepting, and Sebastian is right there in front of him with blazing eyes and parted lips, and fuck it all, Marcus can have this, just this one thing.

  Marcus leans forward and kisses Sebastian. He threads one hand through Sebastian hair and lets the other grip his waist. Sebastian sighs and sucks on Marcus’ lower lip as he falls back onto the bed, pulling Marcus down with him.

  Marcus gasps as Sebastian pushes him onto his back and trails his tongue down Marcus’ throat. He sucks on Marcus’ collarbone, then pauses to tug at Marcus’ shirt impatiently.

  The next few minutes are a blur of tangled limbs, discarded clothes, and banged elbows as they strip down and intertwine. As Sebastian works his way down Marcus’ body, Marcus runs his fingers through Sebastian’s hair, closes his eyes, and finally lets himself go.

  Chapter 11

  Marcus looks around the bathroom and scowls. No windows. Not even a skylight. What sort of shitty motel doesn’t have an escape route in their bathrooms? How are people supposed to flee their poor choices in the morning? Especially when said poor choices are lying shirtless on the bed and hogging up all the pillows?

  Marcus cracks the door open and peers at Sebastian. He’s a little annoyed. Sebastian doesn’t have any creases on his face, he’s not drooling, his hair is carelessly hanging across his forehead. He doesn’t look awkward or sweaty. He looks like a frame from some cheesy coming of age movie.

  Meanwhile, Marcus’ curls are flat on one side, and he’s got morning breath that could kill a moose. Life is unfair.

  There’s got to be a way for him to sneak out of this room before Sebastian wakes up and things get awkward. Marcus’ duffel bag is on the other side of the bed, but maybe he can just creep out in his boxers. Ajay and Blair would take pity on him, surely. All he has to do is remember which room they’re in, and then he’ll make a break for the door and—

  “Marcus? You coming back to bed or what?”

  Marcus cringes at the sound of Sebastian’s sleepy voice. Fuck. He watches as Sebastian sits up and yawns as he rubs one eye.

  “Um, yeah,” Marcus stutters, “I—I was just—I had to—”

  “You really don’t have to elaborate on what you were doing in the bathroom,” Sebastian says with amusement.

  “Shut up,” Marcus grumbles. He takes a deep breath and hurries out of the bathroom towards his duffel bag. He rummages around and pulls out the first outfit he can find. As he pulls up his jeans, he notices Sebastian laughing quietly.

  Marcus glares at him. “What’s so funny?”

  “You,” Sebastian says gleefully. “Is there a fire? What’s the fucking rush?”

  Marcus feels his cheeks heat up. “I’m not rushing! I just don’t wanna be late and miss grabbing breakfast before we get on the bus, or miss the bus altogether, or—”

  Sebastian laughs harder. “We won’t miss the bus! Ajay won’t let them leave without me! Well scratch that, he might let them leave without me, the prick, but he won’t let them leave without you.”

  Marcus frowns as he struggles into his t-shirt. Sebastian’s chipper mood is making him nervous. How is Sebastian so calm about this? Sebastian is rarely calm about anything. Maybe he’s too full of regret to give a shit.

  “Marcus.”

  Marcus jumps as he feels a hand on his shoulder. Sebastian is standing next to him with a concerned look in his face.

  “About last night,” Sebastian continues, “it was fun. A lot of fun. Be great if we could do it again, but if not, it’s fine. We’re still friends, okay? Don’t be weird.”

  “Right,” Marcus agrees, nodding slowly. “It’s cool.”

  Sebastian grins and punches Marcus’ shoulder lightly. “All right then. Let’s roll. I saw a Jamba Juice down the street. I’m not eating the plastic food this dump serves for breakfast.”

  Marcus smiles weakly as Sebastian throws on his own clothes from the previous night. He’s not sure what to think. Sebastian says everything is normal, but those steely eyes dart over at Marcus intermittently and his lips are pressed together in a slight frown. Part of Marcus wants to know what Sebastian is really thinking. Another part of him wants to hide under the covers and never leave.

  The cover-hiding part of him grows when they eventually board the bus, and Marcus is forced to spend the next three hours sitting next to a smirking Blair, who keeps elbowing him and grinning like a jackass.

  “I hate you so much right now,” he mutters. Blair laughs and kisses his cheek.

  “I hate you, too,” she says cheerfully.

  Once they’re back on campus, Sebastian throws an arm around Blair. “So,” he says, “who’s up for pizza? We can order a few pies at Marcus and Jack’s place, hear all about what that nerd got up to while we were away.”

  “Um…” Ajay laughs nervously and scratches the back of his neck. “Blair and I have plans, actually. We’re gonna hit up a movie. Get that matinee special, you know.”

  Sebastian shrugs. “Fine. Losers. Marcus and I’ll go pester Jack ourselves.”

  “He’s not home,” Blair says evasively as she slips out from under Sebastian’s arm and makes her way over to Ajay.

  Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “How do you know?”

  “He, ah…he’s meeting us at the movie.”

  Sebastian frowns. “Why didn’t you tell me we were all going to a movie? What are we seeing? Do we have time to grab a slice before showtime? You know I hate missing the previews. They’re the best part.”

  Marcus grins widely as Ajay cringes harder and Blair rolls her eyes.

  “Sebastian,” she says slowly, “we are not all going to a movie. Ajay and I are going. With Jackie.”

  Sebastian’s brow furrows for a moment before his eyes widen. “You mean the three of you…”

  “Yeah,” Ajay says. He scratches the back of his neck and flashes a lopsided grin.

  “What the fuckl” Sebastian points an accusatory finger at Ajay. “That hickey on Jack’s neck last week! That wasn’t from the vacuum cleaner at all, was it? You filthy fucking liars!”

  “A vacuum?” Blair giggles. “That’s the best you could come up with? That’s a terrible excuse! How would that even happen?”

  Ajay throws his hands up in the air. “I don’t know! I was under pressure!”

  Marcus feels his shoulders shake as he struggles to hold in his laughter. Sebastian’s scowl is something to behold, as is Ajay’s sheepish expression and Blair’s gleeful grin.

  Sebastian flips Ajay and Blair off. “Fuck all of you,” he says. “I hope the movie sucks and the usher catches you pantsless and arrests you. And I’m not bailing you out when it happens.”

  “You will too,” Ajay insists. “You owe me.”

  “Traitor,” Sebastian growls. He grabs Marcus by the hand and starts walking away. He stops after a few steps and turns to face Ajay and Blair.

  “Have fun. Assholes.”

  Ajay smiles broadly. “Thanks, man.”

  “Whatever,” Sebastian shrugs. He leads Marcus towards the apartment complex. Once they’re out of sight from the bus, Sebastian drops his hand from Marcus’ and runs it through his hair. His shoulders start to shake, and Marcus is alarmed for a moment before he realizes Sebastian is laughing.

  “You okay?” he asks cautiously.

  Sebastian nods as he tries to catch his breath between guffaws. “I can’t believe them! They’re so fucking dumb. They deserve each other.”

  “They do,” Marcus agrees with a chuckle.

  Sebastian sighs as his laughter dies down. “Yeah. For real, though…the
y’ll make Jack happy. Well,” he amends, “happier, anyway. He’ll always be a morose little shit, probably.”

  “It’s part of his charm,” Marcus says wryly.

  “Whoa, watch it there,” Sebastian says. “Don’t want them hooking up with you, too.”

  Marcus elbows Sebastian wordlessly and heads towards the complex entrance. They make their way to Marcus’ apartment and settle on the hideous couch.

  Sebastian flips on the television and scrolls through the recorded shows. “Nice,” he says, “six episodes of Snapped coming up. Let’s watch some shitty husbands get what’s coming.”

  “Sounds good,” Marcus says. He holds his breath as Sebastian scoots closer to him on the couch so their thighs are touching. They always sit close to each other, he reasons. It doesn’t mean anything. Nothing’s changed. Everything is fine.

  As the credits roll after the first episode, Sebastian shifts and drapes his arm across the top of the couch. His arm drifts lower as the second episode starts up. It now rests along Marcus’ shoulders. Marcus wills his heart to stop beating so fast and prays he isn’t actually as sweaty as he feels.

  There’s no reason to get excited. Sebastian said they could keep things casual, and that is exactly what they are doing. Except Sebastian keeps darting his eyes over towards Marcus, and his left leg is jiggling as he lightly taps his foot, and he keeps snagging that lower lip between his teeth, and fuck it, Marcus is so, so screwed.

  “What’s wrong with you?” he blurts out.

  Sebastian turns to him, eyebrows raised. “What’s wrong with you?” he counters.

  Marcus stands up quickly from the couch. His right shin stings as it bangs into the coffee table, but he hardly notices it compared to the pain in his stomach as his insides twist into knots.

  “You…stop doing this!”

  “Stop doing what?” Sebastian snaps.

  Marcus balls his hands into fists. “You fucking know! All this…sitting, and touching, and looking! Just stop it! We agreed! We’re not a couple! We’re just…we’re just friends!”

  “How the fuck am I expected not to look at things?” Sebastian says angrily. “You’re not making any sense. We always watch TV together. I’m not doing anything different.”

  “Yes you are!” Marcus knows he sounds crazy. Hell, he is technically crazy, but for once, he’s not going to back down. “You are being different! Don’t lie to me!”

  “Fine!” Sebastian crosses his arms over his chest and glares at Marcus. “I’m trying to be normal, but it’s fucking hard, okay? So sue me for not knowing how to act. You say you want to keep things casual, but you’ve been a nervous wreck since we got up this morning. But you’re still here with me, aren’t you? I’m not the only one looking, by the way. You’ve been shooting me these glances like you’re not sure whether you want to kick me out or jump me, and it’s—what do you want from me, exactly?”

  Marcus’ mouth is dry and his chest is tightening painfully. He struggles to keep his voice calm as the blood pounds through his veins. “I…I don’t know.”

  Sebastian sighs loudly and throws his head back against the couch. “Well if you don’t know, then I sure as shit don’t know, either. Not if you won’t just fucking tell me.”

  “I don’t…I can’t…” Marcus feels lightheaded. His fingers are cold and shaking. “I don’t know…”

  “Shit.” Sebastian leaps up from the couch and grips Marcus by the arms. “Are you okay?” he asks with a look of concern on his face.

  “No,” Marcus whispers. He looks down to avoid Sebastian’s piercing stare. “No, I…I can’t…” He tries to back away, but he stumbles.

  Sebastian hurries to steady Marcus before he falls backwards. “Fuck,” he says. “You need to sit down. Let me get you water, or meds? You take those, right? Shit, where are they? Or maybe a cold compress? Or a heating pad? Are you too hot or too cold, I can’t fucking tell—”

  “Stop!” Marcus gasps. He wrestles himself away from Sebastian and clenches his hands into tight fists. “I don’t need…I don’t…”

  “You need something,” Sebastian insists. “I can help you, tell me what I can do—”

  “Stop!” Marcus shakes his head violently as he staggers towards his bedroom. “You can’t do anything. No one can do anything. Just…just leave!”

  Sebastian’s hands fall helplessly to his sides. Marcus manages to make his way to the bedroom. He slams the door behind him and slides to the floor. He draws his legs up to his chest and rests his head on his knees.

  Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

  Don’t think. Just breathe.

  Just breathe.

  Eventually, Marcus feels his breathing even out. His forehead is clammy, and he flexes his numb fingers a few times to warm them up. He feels around for his phone, but remembers that it’s still out on the coffee table.

  Marcus stands up and stretches before heading over to his laptop to check the time. He blinks rapidly as he realizes that he’s been in his bedroom for an hour. Sebastian must be long gone by now. Marcus closes his eyes. It’s for the best, really. Sebastian might have been able to brush off the incident with Pete, but it must be clear to him now that this isn’t a one-time thing. Sebastian might be loyal, but he’s not a dumbass. He won’t want to subject himself to this on the regular.

  Marcus wants to be relieved that it happened before either of them got in too deep, but he knows that’s not true. Not for him, at least.

  He pushes his bedroom door open and pads into the living room. He stops halfway to the couch. Sebastian is sitting there with his feet up on the coffee table and Snapped playing on the television.

  Sebastian looks over at Marcus and raises an eyebrow. “Hey,” he says cautiously. “You doing any better?”

  Marcus nods wordlessly. Sebastian gestures towards the coffee table, where boxes of Thai food are scattered. “I got takeout,” he says, “and I told the others to fuck off for the night. I, uh…I wasn’t sure what else to do.”

  Marcus walks over to the couch, but doesn’t sit. “Thanks. You didn’t have to…there’s nothing else you could have done. This thing…it’s just how I am. I’m managing it on my own, or trying at least, and…I don’t need anyone looking out for me like I’m some sort of invalid.”

  Sebastian frowns. “I don’t think you’re an invalid, I think you’re my friend. Friends look out for each other.”

  “I guess,” Marcus says uneasily. “Hasn’t always been the case, for me.”

  Sebastian shrugs. “Well, it is now. Get used to it.”

  Marcus nods slowly and chews on his lower lip. “Okay. I can do that. I can try. I just need you to let me deal with this shit when it happens.”

  “I can try, too,” Sebastian says softly. His eyes lock into Marcus’ with intensity. “I want to try. I want to be more than friends with you. If you want it.”

  Marcus feels himself flushing as a slow smile spreads across his face. “I do.”

  Sebastian grins. “Okay then,” he says. He points to an open takeout container. “In that case, are you gonna eat that pad see ew, or can I finish it?”

  Marcus glares at him. “Don’t you fucking touch it,” he warns, and Sebastian laughs.

  “Have a seat then,” Sebastian says, “and let’s watch this wife-beating bastard get pushed down some stairs.”

  Marcus grabs the container and a fork, and sits down on the couch. As he shovels a forkful of noodles into his mouth, he scoots closer to Sebastian, who wraps his arm around Marcus’ shoulders with a light squeeze.

  And when Marcus feels Sebastian’s fingers caressing his arm, he feels brave enough to lean further into the embrace.

  Epilogue

  “Stop eye-fucking my brother.”

  Marcus shifts on the cold bench of the bleachers and turns towards Jackson, who is sitting beside him bundled in a heavy peacoat, two scarves, and a hat pulled low over his ears. Marcus smirks and raises an eyebrow. “Such gratuitous use of profanity
. I’m disappointed in you.”

  Jackson rolls his eyes. “Don’t even. If anything’s worthy of gratuitous profanity, it’s the two of you and your disgusting displays of affection.”

  “We’re not anywhere near each other,” Marcus protests.

  “Regardless,” Jackson says in a harassed tone, “you keep smirking at him, and he keeps doing those obscene stretches that are making you blush.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Marcus lies. He knows full well that his eyes have been locked on Sebastian ever since he took the field. It’s the Thanksgiving game, so the bleachers are jammed full of screaming fans. Sebastian’s name is one of those echoing the loudest, but when his gaze drifts up towards the stands, he only has eyes for Marcus.

  Marcus snickers as he catches Sebastian’s eye and watches as his boyfriend arches his eyebrows and licks his lips slowly. A slow grin spreads over Marcus’ face as he remembers exactly what those lips and tongue were doing last night, how they’d traced their way across Marcus’ torso, then down towards his—

  “Will you please stop thinking about whatever depraved things you and my brother were doing on the coffee table last night. Wipe the handprints off the glass next time, by the way, or I’m evicting you.”

  The scowl on Jackson’s face makes Marcus burst into laughter, which in turn makes Jackson scowl even more fiercely.

  “You’re the worst,” Jackson mutters, slouching lower in his seat. “This is already shaping up to be the worst day ever, and it’s only going to get more painful.”

  Marcus raises an eyebrow. “How’s that? I thought you had fun plans for the holiday today.”

  “I’m not sure if I’d consider spending an ungodly amount of hours with Ajay Kumar embarrassing me in front of our girlfriend’s parents who hate me as fun plans,” Jackson says broodingly.

  “Blair’s parents hate you?” Marcus asks. “How is that possible? You’re the type of dude every parent dreams of their kid bringing home.”

  Jackson shrugs. “It’s not confirmed. Just assumed. Blair says they’re looking forward to meeting me but…it’s not exactly a typical situation, is it?”