Audible Page 7

  Both of them are blushing.

  Blair snickers into her cup as she drains her drink. “I swear, they’re so oblivious. They totally want to bang.”

  “And you’re fine with that?” Marcus asks, raising an eyebrow.

  Blair smiles as she watches Ajay throw a balled up napkin at Jackson’s head. “Yeah, I’m fine with that. I mean, it’s not just them, you know? Jack is pretty cool. The three of us together…it’s just…it could be good, I think.”

  I know you have doubts, Marcus, but we work so well together. We understand each other, you and I. Nothing else matters. We have something special. We could be good together. Just give it a chance.

  “Marcus? You still with me?”

  Marcus blinks, shaking his head as he takes a deep breath. “Yeah, sorry. Just…it’s nice that you’re figuring things out.”

  “What about you?” Blair asks, and the innocent look on her face doesn’t fool Marcus for a second. “You have anyone on your mind?”

  Marcus…fuck, you’re amazing. No, more than amazing. You’re perfect. We’re perfect. Together.

  “Marcus?”

  Don’t worry, Marcus. We just need to keep things quiet for now, but once you graduate, we can be together. Always. It’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.

  “Marcus?”

  Marcus squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, willing himself to calm the fuck down. “Yeah I’m…I mean no. No one on my mind.”

  “Liar,” Blair says lightly. “But it’s fine. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

  “Thanks,” Marcus says with a shaky smile. “It’s fine. It’s…it’s nothing. I just…”

  “Something happened in Boston?” Blair asks.

  Marcus shrugs. “I…yeah. It’s…nothing big. Just got me soured on relationships.”

  “Hmm,” Blair muses. “I get that. Bad experiences and all.” She reaches over and gives his arm a squeeze. “Just don’t let that shit drag you down, okay? Whatever happened, you aren’t there anymore. You’re here now, with much cooler people.”

  Blair punches Marcus on the arm as she finishes off her drink. “I’m gonna go pinch Jack’s ass and blame Ajay. Catch you later.”

  Marcus smirks to himself as he watches Blair stride towards Jackson and Ajay, hollering about needing another drink. He could use a refill himself, and as he looks over towards the bar, he notices that Sebastian is there mixing a drink for Anderson. Sebastian catches his eye and grins, beckoning him over and nodding towards the collection of vodka bottles sitting on the bar.

  Marcus is about to head over when he hears someone clearing their throat next to him.

  “Um, excuse me? You’re Marcus, right?” A slight girl with short blonde hair and a faded Nine Inch Nails t-shirt is smiling at him. “I’m in your Chem class. I’m Mary.”

  “Mary, right. I remember.” Marcus returns her smile. “You told Dr. Mitchell his email alerts were popping up on the projector during that isotope lecture.”

  “Well we’d seen about five of his FetLife notification emails by then, I figured we should give him a break,” Mary says with a sly grin.

  Marcus laughs at the memory, noticing that Mary has a dimple in her left cheek. She’s cute. And funny. Marcus can do this. He can laugh and joke with a cute, funny person and not think about Sebastian, or him, at all. He can get another drink or two, or three, or more, and just enjoy a nice, normal night out with chill people, and oh shit, Sebastian is staring at them.

  Sebastian’s eyebrows are knit together tightly as he glowers at Marcus, who grips his empty cup nervously. He tries not to think about why Sebastian would be looking at him like that. Thinking about Sebastian isn’t an option, not when it makes his heartbeat speed up so rapidly and his stomach tighten and his—

  Stop. Breathe. Ignore.

  Story of his life these days.

  “So…” Marcus turns to Mary, making sure his smile stays in place. “What are you drinking? Did you want to—”

  “Sorry for interrupting.” A heavy arm drops across Marcus’ shoulders, startling him. Sebastian is next to him, a charming grin plastered on his face as he speaks to Mary. “Mind if I steal him away for a minute?”

  “Um, sure.” Mary looks over at Marcus, her eyes widened a bit in confusion. “I’ll see you around, I guess.”

  “Yeah, sure, I—” Marcus doesn’t get to finish his thought as Sebastian steers him sharply towards the hallway to his bedroom. Once they’re inside, Sebastian drops his arm from Marcus’ shoulders and closes the door, drumming his fingers against the jamb with one hand and scratching the back of his neck with the other.

  Before Marcus can ask him what’s up, Sebastian is striding over towards him, a determined look on his face. Marcus backs up slightly against the wall instinctively as Sebastian approaches, the blood pounding in his ears, his mind going blank, his breath hitching, bracing himself, willing himself to say something—

  Sebastian is kissing him, one hand curled around Marcus’ cheek, lips brushing insistently against Marcus’ own as he presses them back against the wall. Marcus’ brain short-circuits for a moment, and by the time he gets hold of his senses again, he realizes that he’s kissing back just as enthusiastically, sucking on Sebastian’s lower lip and gripping his ass tightly.

  “Wait!” Marcus gasps, pushing one hand against Sebastian’s broad chest. Sebastian steps back slightly.

  “What’s wrong?” Sebastian murmurs, moving his hands to rest on Marcus’ hips.

  Marcus shakes his head as he tries to catch his breath. “I…we can’t do this.”

  “Yeah, we can,” Sebastian says with a grin.

  “No,” Marcus insists, moving his other hand off of Sebastian’s ass and dropping it to his side awkwardly. He feels his stomach clench as the weight of what just happened descends down on him. “I can’t…we’re friends. This is a bad idea.”

  “Exactly,” agrees Sebastian, “we’re friends already, which makes this a great idea.”

  “But I like being friends with you,” Marcus says stubbornly. His head felt dizzy as he struggles to keep his panic from rising any further. “I don’t want to fuck that up.”

  “You like kissing me, too,” Sebastian says with a smirk. “We wouldn’t be fucking up a friendship, we’d be improving it. With fucking.”

  Marcus can’t bite back his laughter at Sebastian’s shitty logic and cocky grin. “Asshole. I just…I can’t do this right now. It’s a lot and I just…I just can’t, okay?”

  Sebastian stares at him silently with narrowed eyes for a few moments before nodding slowly. “All right. You can’t do this right now, I feel that.” Hs face relaxes into a smile. “Just promise me you’ll think about it, okay?”

  “Um, okay,” Marcus says slowly. “I can think about it, but I—”

  “No buts,” interrupts Sebastian. “I didn’t say you should overthink it.”

  Marcus rolls his eyes. “Any level of thinking seems like overthinking to an impatient shithead like you.”

  “Rude!” Sebastian laughs. “I’m not impatient, I’m just motivated.”

  “Those aren’t mutually exclusive,” Marcus points out.

  “Whatever,” Sebastian says with a snicker. “Okay, so if we’re not hooking up, you still can’t ditch me tonight. I’ve been forced to watch Ajay and Jack awkwardly flirt with each other for the past hour, and now Blair’s in there egging them on and I swear, Marcus, I can’t deal with this shit alone.”

  He lets out an exaggerated sigh as he bows his head and rests his hands on Marcus’ shoulders. “I need emotional support to get through these trying times.”

  “You need something,” Marcus agrees, “but I think maybe it’s shots. Let’s hit up the bar and then go fuck with peoples’ coats in Ajay’s room.”

  “Nice,” Sebastian says as he gives Marcus’ shoulders a squeeze. “Can we fill the pockets with shaving cream again?”

  “All right,” Marcus agrees as they head out the door, “but le
t’s put condoms in a few pockets, too. You know, to be helpful.”

  “You’re so thoughtful,” Sebastian says as he drapes his arm back around Marcus, who tries not to focus on how nice the warm weight feels against his shoulders.

  Chapter 8

  Marcus shifts awkwardly in his chair as he tries not to look at the clock. Not that there’s any point in checking the time. He’s fairly certain that the cheap clock hanging above the door in Chem and Get It’s regular study room is busted. It claims that the time is six minutes past eleven when Marcus feels like he’s been sitting here waiting for at least forty minutes.

  Ajay is a lot of things, but late is never one of them. Marcus knows it’s only been six minutes, allegedly, but he’s growing frustrated. He’s just had to increase his medication recently, but the effects still need time to kick in. Hopefully. Right now he’s stuck in some weird combination of anxiety and numbness.

  Marcus’ phone vibrates as a text comes in. He grabs it quickly, hoping to see Ajay’s name pop up, but it’s only Sebastian texting a picture of himself in Marcus and Jackson’s kitchen with the last chocolate chip blueberry granola bar stuffed in his mouth.

  Marcus snickers, but his stomach sinks as he sends back a middle finger emoji. He had been worried that after Sebastian kissed him, things would get weird. And they have gotten weird, just…not in the way Marcus had expected.

  Marcus isn’t quite sure how it happened, but somehow he and Sebastian have started hanging out a lot more, just the two of them. Sebastian meets Marcus after his classes with coffee and snark. He pops into Marcus’ apartment to binge-watch the Finding Bigfoot episodes that he records to piss off Jackson. He snags their favorite table during three AM diner runs when Marcus’ insomnia kicks up.

  Sebastian’s increased presence is concerning to Marcus, not because it’s uncomfortable, but because it’s too comfortable. Effortless, almost. Sebastian hasn’t tried to kiss Marcus again, and he doesn’t come off like he’s trying to hook up, but the way he looks at Marcus sometimes…

  It makes Marcus nervous. It makes him want things he’s not supposed to have.

  A few of the football players have made comments about Sebastian and Marcus practically dating. Marcus rolls his eyes at them, but Sebastian just grins and says nothing, as if it doesn’t bother him.

  As if it’s true. Which it isn’t. Because Marcus is too fucked up to have nice things.

  A few nights ago, he’d hit up one of the queer bars in town and ended up going home with someone. Marcus isn’t generally a one-night-stand type of guy—hell, ever since him, Marcus has actively avoided most types of intimacy all together—but he’d been desperate for something, anything, to stop himself from thinking about Sebastian. He’d figured seven strong drinks and a cute smile would do the trick.

  They didn’t. All he’d ended up with was puke-breath and a sickening sense of guilt. He knows that logically, there’s nothing for him to feel bad about. He and Sebastian aren’t in a relationship. They’re both free to do whatever, or whomever, they want.

  Logic can suck it. Marcus knows damn well that choices can’t be right when the reasoning is wrong.

  Before Marcus can wander any further down the road of self-loathing, the door swings open with a bang. Ajay stands in the doorway, wide eyed. He slams the door shut behind him and makes his way over to his chair. He drops his bag to the ground, then flops into a chair with a dramatic sigh.

  “Marcus,” he says breathlessly, “I need help.”

  “This isn’t news,” Marcus points out with a smirk.

  Ajay scowls. “Fuck off, this is important. I have a question.”

  “I have an answer,” Marcus says. “Let’s see if they match.”

  “I hate you,” Ajay moans. “I’m in crisis here! More sympathy and less smartass remarks would be appreciated.”

  “All right.” Marcus takes pity on Ajay, who looks at him balefully from behind askew glasses. “I’m listening, go ahead. I promise to be sensitive, unless it’s something really embarrassing.”

  “Fair enough,” Ajay concedes. “Okay, so here’s the thing…” Ajay chews on his lower lip and furrows his forehead thoughtfully. “Is it, like…Is it gay if you think guys are hot and want to make out with them and…you know? Well, not all guys, just…one guy in particular.”

  Ajay grimaces as Marcus starts to snicker. “Um, I’m asking for a friend, of course,” he adds hastily.

  “No you’re not,” Marcus says bluntly. “You don’t have any friends that’d be asking this. And yes, you’re probably queer. Bisexual, or pansexual, or whatever.”

  “You don’t seem very shocked,” Ajay says sulkily.

  Marcus shrugs. “Dude. You have a poster of Michael B. Jordan in your bedroom.”

  “So?” Ajay asks with a quirked eyebrow.

  “A shirtless poster,” Marcus says with a deadpan look.

  Ajay rolls his eyes. “Maybe I just really liked Fantastic Four, okay?”

  “Buddy,” Marcus says softly as he pats one of Ajay’s hands, “no one liked Fantastic Four. Especially not Michael B. Jordan.”

  “I know,” Ajay says miserably as he drops his head to his hands. “S’not the problem, anyway. The gay part. I don’t really care about that. It is what it is, you know? It’s the who part that’s killing me.”

  “Yeah, we’re gonna go ahead and get down to the point,” Marcus says dryly. “You like Jack. Again, this isn’t news.”

  “Ugh,” Ajay huffs into his hands. “I’m such a fucking dumbass. Everything’s finally going right this year and so of course I have to get this dumb crush and screw everything up.”

  “Are you sure it’ll screw everything up?” Marcus asks. “It seems like all three of you are spending a lot of time together. I don’t think you’re the only one with a crush.”

  “You think so?” Ajay looks thoughtful as he lifts his head. “I mean, I know people swing, but I don’t—this isn’t about banging.” He grins wickedly. “Not that I’d say no to banging, let’s be real. I just mean it’s not only about banging.”

  Marcus shakes his head with a chuckle. “Yeah, let’s gloss right over the banging part, please.”

  “Fine, fine. Be like that.” Ajay leans back in his chair and props his feet up on the table. “You know, now that you mention it, Blair keeps adding polyamory movies to my Netflix list. Like that one about the dude and the two ladies who created Wonder Woman together. Shit, do you know how much BDSM was in the early drafts?”

  “Wonder Woman wears wrist cuffs and carries a lasso,” Marcus points out. “They weren’t exactly subtle.”

  “Holy shit, you’re right!” There’s a look of wonder on Ajay’s face. “Wow. I’m having all sorts of epiphanies today.” He winces as he rocks back in his chair. “Oh, fuck. Seb is going to murder me. If he doesn’t drop dead from the shock first.”

  “Nah.” Marcus shakes his head. “Blair won’t let him. Talk to her first. You guys have a lot of shit to sort through together before you start traumatizing Sebastian. Polyamory stuff is complicated. There’s all sorts of ways to do it.”

  “True.” Ajay frowns in concentration. “Hmmm…I don’t think there are any polyamorous people in the NFL. No one who’s out, anyway.”

  “There haven’t even been many openly gay players, right?”

  “Nah,” Ajay shakes his head. “Only Michael Sam. And that didn’t turn out so great for him, right? Shit. If I got drafted, I’d be the first quarterback to be openly queer, openly polyamorous, or Desi, let alone all three at once.”

  “Yipes,” Marcus says with a grimace. “That’s a lot. I could see if you might not want to—”

  “I’m gonna fuckin’ make history, dude!” Ajay laughs and pumps one fist in the air. “How awesome is that?!”

  Marcus blinks in confusion. “Um…it’s good to be positive, I guess. But are you sure you want so much stacked against you?”

  “I’ve got the skills,” Ajay says with a careless shrug. “Nothing else ma
tters.”

  Marcus sighs and looks down at his hands. “It shouldn’t matter, but it does. People always judge, they always think they know about you, they always make assumptions…” He trails off as he chews on his thumbnail absentmindedly.

  “Who cares?” Ajay asks. “You play to win the game, Marcus. I’m fuckin’ phenomenal on the field, and if the bigoted mouth breathers at the draft can’t focus on that, then that’s on them, but I’m not gonna hold myself back, either. I’ve gotta go all in, and whatever happens, happens.”

  Marcus doesn’t say anything. He appreciates Ajay’s enthusiasm, but he is well aware of what happens when you take jumps without parachutes.

  “Marcus?”

  Marcus looks up at Ajay, who is staring intently. He clears his throat. “Sorry. I, um…I just don’t want you to get hurt. Just because it’s right doesn’t mean it’s smart.”

  “Just because it’s not smart doesn’t mean it won’t work, either,” Ajay says with a shit-eating grin.

  Marcus laughs as he throws a pen at Ajay’s head. Ajay catches the pen effortlessly and twirls it in his finger a few times before he rolls it back across the table.

  Marcus grabs the pen and stuffs it into his backpack. He taps his fingers against the desk and bites his lip. “Look…I’m glad you’re figuring things out. If you have any questions, or wanna talk anything out…I’m around, yeah?”

  “Yeah, I know.” Ajay grins as he checks his phone. “Aw, shit. I forgot practice got moved up. Come on, walk over with me. We can talk chem shit on the way so it’s not a complete waste of a study session.”

  As they leave the library, Ajay pulls Marcus into a bear hug as they block the doorway. “Thanks, man. You’re a good friend. The best.”

  Marcus wheezes as Ajay’s arms tighten around him. “You’re a good friend, too,” he manages to choke out once Ajay finally loosens his grip.