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  Yeah man, I know we talked about hanging out this weekend, but my girl’s been on my case, you know? People been talking. I know it’s bullshit, but she heard something about what happened with that guy, and you know how she get, right? She don’t want me alone with you. I know it’s not like that, but you know how she is, she get crazy sometimes. Oh, shit, I didn’t mean it like…like not your kind of crazy, just, you know…um…yeah.

  Look, Marcus, I know you’re, like…sick or whatever, but you can’t just freak out in the middle of a Starbucks without warning. It’s embarrassing and like…I mean don’t you take meds for that shit? If you’re not even gonna try then I don’t wanna enable you. That’s like…not healthy for either of us.

  Marcus keeps his eyes squeezed shut as he tries to drown out the memories of his alleged friends in Boston scrambling to keep their distance. Once his version of the story had gone viral on campus, there’d been no room for Marcus’ take. Marcus had found himself alone with a damaged goods label slapped across his chest.

  Marcus drags himself dejectedly from the bus, making his way into the elevator of his apartment building. He narrows his eyes as he pushes his floor’s button. He really hopes that either Jackson is awake (not likely, since it’s not even eight in the morning yet), or his threat to deadbolt the apartment was an empty one.

  He breathes a sigh of relief as the door opens with a soft click. He slides quietly into the apartment, hoping that he can make it to his bedroom unnoticed. Marcus is so intent on staying silent that he nearly chokes on the breath he’s holding when he notices what’s going on in the living room.

  Ajay is asleep on the couch in a seated position with his legs sticking out haphazardly and his head flung backwards over the back of the couch. His right arm is draped over Jackson’s shoulders, holding him tightly against his side. Jackson has his head pressed against Ajay’s chest, right above a wet patch of drool. Jackson’s hand is resting gently on top of Blair’s head, which is nestled in his lap. More than one of them is snoring, though Marcus can’t be sure of who.

  Despite the fact that his brain still feels like it’s trying to bust out of his skull, Marcus can’t help but smile at the sight of his three friends all cuddled up like a bunch of saps. He pauses for a second to snicker at the way Ajay’s glasses are sitting askew on his face, and that second is just enough time for Jackson’s eyes to flutter open and latch onto Marcus before he can finish making his escape.

  “Williams?” Jackson’s voice is croaky as he shifts slightly against Ajay, reaching one hand up to wipe away the drool on his chin. He glares at Marcus sleepily. “How’d you get in?”

  “Mmm…Wha? Marcus? The fuck?” Ajay’s head shoots up as he rubs one eye under his glasses. His hair is sticking out sharply at odd angles. “Where am I? What’s going on?”

  “You’re on Jack’s couch and you’re disturbing my beauty sleep,” Blair mumbles irritably into Jackson’s crotch. Jackson’s eyes widen as he sits up stiffly, surveying his surroundings and flushing pink.

  He looks back at Marcus with a frown. “I locked the deadbolt. How’d you get it open?”

  “I unlocked it before we started watching…wait, what the fuck?” Ajay stands up quickly from the couch, wiping at the wet patch on his shirt as he hurries over towards Marcus. “Where the fuck have you been, man? We’ve been worried sick!”

  He pulls Marcus into a tight hug, nearly knocking the wind from his lungs. Peering over Ajay’s shoulder, Marcus can see Blair sitting up and stretching, while Jackson crosses his arms over his chest and hunches his shoulders.

  Blair gets up from the couch, coming over and prying Ajay’s arms off of Marcus so she can hug him herself. “Marcus, you scared the shit out of us! You disappeared, we had no idea where you were or what happened!”

  She releases him, and Marcus attempts to smile as he rubs the back of his neck. “Um…I don’t know, I just…I wasn’t thinking.”

  “Obviously,” Ajay says, rolling his eyes. “I can’t believe you just took off like that. Seriously, though, what were you thinking?”

  “He literally just said he wasn’t thinking,” Jackson points out. “You should be familiar with that concept.”

  “Heh, fair,” Ajay snickers. “But for real, man, you can’t do shit like that.”

  “Ajay is right,” Blair agrees. “If you need time to yourself, that’s fine, but you need to give us a heads-up so we don’t worry.”

  “Or lock you out of the apartment,” Jackson adds.

  Marcus shrugs, averting his gaze. “I know, I just…I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

  “Why wouldn’t it be a big deal?” Ajay says with a frown. “It wasn’t like you just slipped away on your own time. You blew off halftime. You had us all worried sick.”

  Marcus forces a chuckle. “That’s because you three don’t have any chill. Sebastian managed to stop himself from blowing up my phone.” He tries hard to sound nonchalant, as though he’s not at all stressing about exactly why Sebastian didn’t seem to care about his whereabouts last night, unlike everyone else.

  Ajay’s eyebrows fly up to his hairline. “Oh, shit! I’ve gotta text Seb!” He hurries back over to the couch, rifling through the cushions for a minute before pulling out his phone triumphantly. He strides out to the balcony and starts pacing back and forth as he texts.

  Blair looks pointedly at Marcus, raising one eyebrow. “I know you’re not implying that Seb has any chill. He’s been out all night looking for you.”

  Marcus feels his stomach sinking as he turns Blair’s words over in his head. “What are you…why would he be looking for me?”

  Blair sighs exasperatedly. “Because he cares about you? Like we all do?” She yawns, not bothering to cover her mouth. “I’m going to put the coffee on. I can’t deal with emotions without caffeine.” She heads into the kitchen, squeezing Marcus’ arm as she passes him.

  Marcus is pretty sure that the nausea wracking his body is due to more than just his hangover. He’s not sure why everyone is making such a big deal out of this. Sure, he’d figured that there’d be some concern, but this is more than he expected.

  “Sebastian got benched for the fourth quarter.” Jackson’s voice is low as he side eyes Marcus from the couch. “He was checking with Blair to see if you’d shown up yet, and he overheard one of the band geeks saying…something about you, and he flipped.”

  Marcus privately thinks it’s rich that someone wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the XKCD webcomic logo is calling someone else a geek, but he doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to stand stiffly by the couch, wishing he could go and hide under his covers for the next twenty years or so.

  Ajay flings the sliding door to the balcony open and returns to the living room without closing it. “Seb will be here any minute,” he announces to no one in particular. “He was headed back for a shower anyway, so he’s gonna be here in—”

  The front door opens with a bang, startling them all. A glowering Sebastian barges into the apartment, slamming the door behind him. His eyes lock onto Marcus’ and he immediately storms towards him with an intense look on his face. Marcus braces himself for another hug, but he’s taken aback when Sebastian instead greets him with a harsh punch on the arm.

  “What the fuck, Williams?” Sebastian isn’t yelling, but he’s awfully close to it, which is doing nothing good for the pounding in Marcus’ head. “The fuck were you thinking, rolling out with no warning?”

  “You’re behind the times. We’ve already confirmed that he wasn’t thinking.” Jackson sounds tired as he eyes his brother.

  Sebastian scowls. “Who the fuck asked you?” He turns back to Marcus, jabbing him in the chest sharply with one finger. “The fuck’s your problem, huh? You take off without saying shit. You don’t bother answering your fucking phone when these losers text you. You just…you just fucking bailed, man! I had to rough up an oboe player because your dumb ass had to start drama!”

  “You didn’t have to do anything,” Ma
rcus shoots back hotly. “No one asked you to defend me, or look for me, or…or any of it.” He’s not usually so confrontational, but he’s feeling overwhelmed from all the questions and worrying and hangover and…just all of it.

  “Bullshit,” Sebastian scoffs. “You’re my…you’re my friend. Asshole. So yeah, I did have to defend you against some ignorant shithead who felt like running his mouth right in front of me.”

  Marcus is too tired to obsess over what Sebastian means by friend right now. “I…look. I appreciate the concern, but…let’s talk about this later, alright? Blair’s making coffee, and I need some rest, so—”

  “Nope.” Sebastian’s tone is firm as he punches Marcus on the arm again, even harder this time. “Grab your running gear and let’s get going.”

  Marcus blinks in confusion. “What? Nah, man, I’m not feeling that. It’s too early, and I’ve got a headache.”

  “Tough shit,” Sebastian says mulishly. “I’ve been up all fucking night checking gutters and ditches for your dumb ass, and I’m fucking wired. We’re going for a run.”

  Marcus grimaces at the feeling of guilt welling up inside of him. “I…okay. Just give me five minutes.”

  “You’ve got three.” Sebastian is still scowling, but he rests a hand on Marcus’ shoulder for a moment, squeezing it gently before pulling back and shoving his hands into his pockets. “Now hurry up. We’re going a full 10k today, I don’t give a shit how hungover you are. In fact, I hope you fucking puke.”

  Sebastian’s eyebrows are arched, but there’s a hint of a smirk on his face. Marcus bites back a grin of his own as he heads towards his bedroom to change. He’s pretty sure Sebastian isn’t going to actually make him run any farther than the Starbucks at the end of the block, but he grabs a roll of breath mints off his bedside table just in case he ends up having to mask puke breath after all.

  He’s still not completely sure why everyone is so concerned with what he’s doing. He hasn’t mentioned anything about his health, or about Boston, but clearly he hasn’t been as discreet as he’d thought, either. He’s obviously fucked up in the head, his friends have got to know that by now, and yet they still…they still care, for some reason.

  Marcus knows it won’t last, but he allows himself to revel just a little bit in the feeling of being wanted. It might not last, but that doesn’t mean Marcus can’t enjoy it while he’s got it.

  Chapter 7

  “Speed it up, Williams, you’re falling behind again. It’s like I’m training with a drunk tortoise.”

  Marcus flushes, as he realizes that once again he has unknowingly slowed down his running speed enough to give him a nice view of Sebastian’s ass out of the corner of his eye. Unfortunately, Sebastian has once again noticed him doing it. The slowing-down part, not the ass-ogling part, or so Marcus hopes.

  Last time Sebastian noticed him lagging, Marcus had been forced to squirt the back of Sebastian’s shorts with his water bottle as a distraction. He’d gotten a pine cone down the back of his shirt later in retaliation, but Marcus considers that a fair trade.

  He smiles at Sebastian, hoping he looks at least slightly more chill than he feels. “I’m just pacing myself. Gotta keep that rhythm going.”

  “Ha!” Sebastian is running backwards now, facing Marcus with a cocky grin on his face. “Nice try, shithead, but I’m not falling for it. I’m not gonna end up with an assfull of Gatorade again. I’m not that kinky, okay?”

  Without hesitation, Marcus whips out his water bottle and douses Sebastian right in the crotch.

  “AUGH! The fuck?!” Sebastian laughs as he dodges out of the line of fire just seconds too late to avoid getting soaked. “You’re the worst.” He grabs the water bottle from Marcus’ hand, taking a swig and draping a sweaty arm over Marcus’ shoulders. Marcus wrinkles his nose in pretend disgust, but he doesn’t pull away.

  They eventually make their way into their usual Starbucks, giving each other shit over their orders and snickering at the odd looks the barista shoots at Sebastian’s stained crotch. Sebastian appears to give zero fucks as he leans against the counter and pokes Marcus’ neck repeatedly with a straw while they’re waiting for their drinks.

  “Um, excuse me. Mind if I grab some napkins?” Some blond dude with hipster glasses and a toothy grin is standing in front of them. Marcus tries to smile as he moves to the side to let the guy step in between them to get to the napkins. Sebastian smiles as well, though it’s one of his cool, indifferent ones.

  “So…” The blond seems to be in no hurry to move away as he folds and re-folds the napkins in his hands. “Long wait, huh?”

  Sebastian doesn’t answer, shrugging as he pointedly looks away in another direction and crosses his arms across his chest. The little knot of jealousy in Marcus’ stomach is slightly mollified by this show of disinterest. The blond is undeterred by this as he clears his throat and tries again.

  “So I was wondering, if you’re interested—”

  “I’m not,” Sebastian says smoothly. Marcus smirks as the blond blinks a few times behind his stupid glasses. Marcus assumes that he’s waiting for a sorry or a thanks anyway, but Sebastian doesn’t say anything else as he twirls his straw between his fingers.

  Part of Marcus is relieved when the blond takes the hint and heads off with a resigned smile, but his stomach twists as he thinks about what it means, Sebastian not being interested in that guy. Now that the guy has split, Marcus’ jealousy has calmed enough for him to admit that the guy was cute enough. He seemed polite, took no for an answer pretty gracefully.

  But he was a guy. And Sebastian doesn’t like guys. Obviously.

  Still…Marcus isn’t sure. There’s been enough comments and incidents and looks to pique Marcus’ gaydar considerably.

  Not that it matters. Even if Sebastian likes guys, that doesn’t mean he likes Marcus. And even if he likes Marcus, that doesn’t mean he’ll do anything about it. And even if he does do something about it, that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for Marcus to reciprocate.

  I am sure that you believed yourself to have genuine feelings for him, Marcus. Surely you can see how your feelings for him clouded your judgement and led you to believe he felt the same way, when in reality…he didn’t. His friendly conduct towards you was never anything more than professional.

  Taking the chance on relationships has never ended well for Marcus. Hooking up with Sebastian probably won’t ruin his whole life again, not that there’s much left to ruin after him, but it’ll definitely ruin the semblance of a second chance that he’s managed to cobble together for himself, once Sebastian realizes how fucked up Marcus is and bails.

  It’d be nice to know, though, if a chance ever existed, even if Marcus has no intention of ever taking it.

  “Ugh,” Sebastian groans exasperatedly as he goes back to poking Marcus’ arm with the straw. “People are the fucking worst.”

  “Yeah,” Marcus agrees. “It must get old.”

  Sebastian arches an eyebrow. “What must get old?”

  “You know…” Marcus shoves his hands in his pockets, avoiding Sebastian’s stare. “People hitting on you. Guys. Especially if you’re not…you know…are you…”

  “Fuck’s sake, man.” Sebastian is snickering now, and Marcus can feel his face flush with embarrassment. “Are you trying to ask me if I’m gay? Because I am quite obviously hella fucking gay.”

  “You’re hella fucking annoying, is what you are,” Marcus shoots back with a smirk. “And I don’t know! You’re…you give everyone the brush-off. I didn’t wanna assume. I don’t know your life.”

  “Well, my life is gay. Gay as fuck.” Sebastian gives Marcus’ arm a particularly sharp jab. “Just because I’m not boning every mouth breather who thinks he’s slick doesn’t mean shit.”

  Marcus nods at this. “Makes sense. Spoiled for choice, yeah?”

  “Spoiled for shitty choices,” Sebastian says with an eye roll. “And it’s more than that. It’s…I’m not picky, I’m just not into hook
ing up, not right away. Blair calls it demisexual.”

  “Ah, okay. Cool.” Marcus turns the words over in his mind. Sebastian is demisexual. And gay. And…staring at Marcus with that cocky smirk curling around his lips, sweat from his run still clinging to his collarbones, and…

  “Yeah, I don’t get the point of hooking up with some rando. That…want, or whatever, it’s just not there for me. Once I get to know someone, though…”

  Fuck. Marcus has made the mistake of looking up to meet Sebastian’s gaze, and now those silver eyes have him on lockdown, and somehow Sebastian has moved closer to him and their arms are brushing together and fuck, fuck, fuck.

  Marcus can feel his panic rising, so he quickly reaches over and grabs a handful of napkins, twisting them in his hands and avoiding eye contact. He can hear Sebastian sigh irritably next to him, folding his arms across his chest.

  “Of course sometimes people are deliberately obtuse—”

  “Like Ajay,” Marcus interrupts with a nervous laugh, “and those puppy dog eyes your brother’s always shooting at him?”

  Sebastian doesn’t answer at first, but eventually he chuckles and shakes his head. “Fuck. Those two, I swear. What a couple of losers.”

  “I know, right?” Marcus says with a grin. “Although let’s be real, I’ve caught Ajay eyeing up Jack’s ass more than once.”

  “Ugh,” Sebastian wrinkles his nose exaggeratedly. “Don’t remind me. Blair and Jack were over the other day making Ajay watch that Stargate show they’re obsessed with. All three of them were sickening.”

  “All three of them, huh?” Marcus grins wider at Sebastian’s loud sigh.

  “Don’t even. Honestly, Ajay and Jack are both clearly dumbasses, but I thought Blair had more sense than this. Ajay’s jackassery is infecting her.” Sebastian looks over at the counter, frowning.

  “Come on, I think that asshat in the Jets shirt stole my macchiato. Time to cause a scene and snag some free scones.”

  * * * *

  “Look at those two clueless assholes.” Blair bumps arms with Marcus as they lean against the wall of Ajay and Sebastian’s apartment. She gestures wildly with her Solo cup towards the other side of the crowded room where Ajay and Jackson are arguing over the music selection. Ajay is grinning like a Cheshire cat and Jackson is scowling.